看見也是一種權利——《看見日記》電子版序言 / Seeing is A Right: Preface to the e-version of “Seeing Diary”

從今年2月開始寫《看見日記》以來，我一直有個信念：每個人都渴望被看見，而要讓別人看見，首先讓自己看見。 於是我認為，《看見日記》一定是一種非常私密的表達，私密到這個宇宙中將不會有第二個智慧生物閱讀裡面的內容，裡面不僅記載著我內心最深的恐懼、羞愧和不安， 更記載著我對自己的不接納，我難以想像這樣的內容我敢讓誰看見。

Since February of this year when I started writing the “Seeing Diary“, I have had a belief that everyone yearns to be seen, and before to let others see you, you must first see yourself. Therefore, I believe that the “Seeing Diary” is a very private expression, so private that no other being in this universe will ever see its contents. It not only records my deepest fears, shame, and unease, but also my non-acceptance of myself. I can hardly imagine allowing anyone to see such contents.

而決定用電子版的方式寫《看見日記》，意味著我平日寫作時潦草的字跡難以讓人讀懂，也意味著我認為會有人要來看我的《看見日記》。

Deciding to write the “Seeing Diary” in electronic format means that my hastily written handwriting, which is difficult for people to read during my usual writing process, would not be a problem. It also means that I believe there will be people who want to read my the “Seeing Diary“.

最近我處在一段關係中，這也讓我有更多的機會去思考親密關係中的看見與被看見。 在我先前的理解中，我認為親密關係中的愛，就是看見──我看見了你。 我看見了你的情緒、我看見了你的需要，而且我也接納你的這部分。 這些也正是《看見日記》所指向自己的。 在《看見日記》中，我看見我，所以我愛我。 在親密關係中，我看見你，所以我愛你。

Recently, I have been in a relationship that has led me to think more about seeing and being seen in intimate relationships. Previously, my understanding was that love in an intimate relationship means seeing—I see you. I see your emotions, I see your needs, and I accept this part of you. This is also what the “Seeing Diary” is all about – I see myself, so I love myself. In an intimate relationship, I see you, so I love you.

現在，我對關係中的看見又有了新的理解──我們渴望被看見，但當注視的目光投射過來時，我們下意識地會隱藏自己不被對方看見。 也可以表述成：我只讓你看見我允許你看見的部分，對不同的人，我允許的「被看見」的程度是不一樣的。

Now, I have a new understanding of being seen in relationships – we yearn to be seen, but when the gaze is projected onto us, we instinctively hide ourselves so as not to be seen by the other person. This can also be expressed as: I only let you see the parts of me that I allow you to see, and the degree to which I allow myself to be seen varies depending on the person.

這種分別源自於我們對於關係的分層，我們越是允許對方看到更多的我，往往這段關係對我們有著更深刻的意義。 對一段親密關係而言，我相信不僅有我全然地願意看見你，哪怕是消耗我自己的能量也要來看見你，同樣也有你許可了「被我看見」，並且看見一個完整而真實的你， 這是在這段關係中你賦予我的特殊權利。

This kind of layering comes from our own layering in relationships. The more we allow the other person to see us, the deeper the relationship often means to us. In an intimate relationship, I believe that not only am I willing to see you completely, even if it exhausts my own energy, but you also allow me to see you and grant me the special privilege of seeing a complete and authentic version of you in this relationship.

對於什麼是親密關係、這段關係是不是一段好的親密關係，網路上有著各式各樣的解讀，而在我看來，只需要問自己，我是否願意讓你成為我這本《看見日記 》的唯一讀者，無論你是否真的閱讀，當我將看見的權利賦予你的那一刻，我願意讓你能夠看見我的全部面向，哪怕最終你沒有接納我，你也是那個不會評判我的人。

There are various interpretations on what an intimate relationship is and whether a particular relationship is a good one or not. However, in my opinion, all you need to ask yourself is: am I willing to let you be the only reader of my the “Seeing Diary“, regardless of whether you actually read it or not? When I grant you the right to see me, I believe that you are the person who is willing to see all sides of me and accept me for who I am. Even if you do not ultimately accept me, you are still the person who will not judge me.

透過這本《看見日記》，你將看見一個無比真實的我，謝謝你認識我，謝謝你看見我。

Through this “Seeing Diary“, you will see a truly real me, thank you for getting to know me, and thank you for seeing me.